I am 21, a senior here at Missouri S&T majoring in business and I’m scheduled to graduate in December. I come from a largely catholic family and the rest of my family who is not catholic is still pro-life, so on April 4, 2016, if anyone had asked me if I were to ever consider getting an abortion I would have immediately responded with no. On April 5, if they were to ask that same question, I would have had to take a lot more time to come up with that answer and even then, I’m not sure exactly what I would have said.

That day, I took my first two pregnancy tests, both of which came back positive. After the first test, I was just hoping for a false positive, as slim as the chances were. After the second, I didn’t even cry, I couldn’t cry. My emotions basically stopped in their tracks. Maybe it was just my brain still processing it, but I didn’t know how to react to that test telling me I was pregnant and 2-3 weeks pregnant at that. I immediately contacted the man who is now the father of my children and we ended up meeting that night to talk about what had happened, where things went wrong, and where we were going to go from there. I don’t remember much about that night because I finally allowed myself to cry and feel all of my emotions, but I do remember his only suggestion and that was abortion.

The next day, I was on the internet for a long time researching planned parenthood and everything about it and trying to find out costs, but came across the Pregnancy Resource Center in a google search and after reading about free pregnancy tests and free ultrasounds, I decided to make an appointment for the following day.

I still remember vividly my first appointment at PRC with Pam. We made it through her list of questions, barely from the amount of crying I was doing on my part, and I took a pregnancy test which of course came back positive. When speaking about my options, I remember telling her there was no way I could take care of a baby. I was still in college and had so many opportunities ahead of me. This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. My parents had raised me in a manner so that I didn’t end up pregnant at 21 like my mom had been with me and here I was, pregnant at 21. Honestly, I felt like a failure in that moment. I told Pam that I don’t think I had any other choice other than abortion, and the father had also been pushing it. But it was so hard to fathom that decision because I’ve always identified with the pro-life stance and should my family ever find out I got an abortion, their reactions would be anything but good. I don’t think I’d be able to be okay with myself afterward either. And as far as adoption, I couldn’t even consider it because I know I’d be too selfish to give up a baby I gave birth to. So here I was contradicting myself, telling Pam I couldn’t take care of a baby myself, but couldn’t be okay with myself if I had an abortion, but also wouldn’t be able to consider adoption. At the end of the appointment I remember her telling me to just take the time to think about my options and wait until I can get an ultrasound with Jane to make any decisions.

After I left that day, I went home and researched abortion as thoroughly as I could, and continued to put it to the back burner anytime the father brought it up to me. Fast forward to May 11th and I had my first ultrasound appointment with Jane. It took her a very short time to find the baby, and once she had, she pointed to something up on the screen and asked me if I knew what it was. I had never seen an ultrasound that early, so I had absolutely no clue and told her that. She then proceeded to tell me it was another sac, and there was two babies, not one. At that very moment, I’m pretty sure my heart stopped, my jaw dropped to the floor, and my eyes got as big as they could. I was freaking out about just one baby, and now my worries were doubled. Her and Pam were so excited for me and told me how twins were such a blessing and told me the rest of my family was going to be so excited especially now that there are two. I was still in shock the rest of the appointment, but remember hearing the babies’ heartbeats for the first time. It was an indescribable moment for me, and I believe it was the moment I unconsciously decided I could never get an abortion. When I left that day, I was still numb, but Jane booked me for another ultrasound a week later. I continued to return a few more times to the PRC for ultrasounds, and I began getting more and more excited for each appointment to see how the twins were growing. It amazed me how quickly they were growing in such a short time. All throughout this time, Pam and Jane were so excited for me and it was reassuring to have someone excited for me because at this point they were the only people who knew about my pregnancy other than the twins’ father. Pam sent text messages checking in on me, and it was so nice having someone there for me when I felt like no one would be there. It took a long time for my parents to find out about my pregnancy because I was terrified to tell them. It was even the anger I was afraid about; it was the sheer disappointment I knew they’d have.

It wasn’t until 14 or 15 weeks until my mom found out about my pregnancy. So, to have that support from Pam and Jane up until then and even past that point was so essential for me. At my 20-week anatomy scan at Mercy, my mom, sister and I found out both twins were girls. The first people I wanted to tell after I found out was Pam and Jane, so we headed to PRC right after my appointment so I could tell them. Pam was the only one there that day, but she told me she was excited and she would share the news with Jane. 8 weeks later, I finally announced my pregnancy to the rest of my friends and family who took the news wonderfully. Everyone was so excited for me, just like Jane and Pam told me they would be. If it weren’t for PRC and the continued support I received there, there’s a good chance I would have given into pressure from the twins’ father and went to Planned Parenthood to talk about my options and rather than just being a thought it my head, abortion may have been an actual option I was considering for my pregnancy. I may have been currently having to go through therapy rather than up here talking about my wonderful experience with PRC.

On November 4th I gave birth to my perfect baby girls, Izabella and Brielle. I was in love from the moment I laid eyes on both of them. The girls recently turned 4 months old and are growing quicker than I can keep up with. They are such a blessing to my life, and bring so much joy to myself and the rest of my family. I thank God often for my girls and for PRC who saved me and my pregnancy.