When I give people my testimony I think it’s important to know my family background. I believe that how you are raised has almost everything to do with the person you will become, and the decisions you will make in your life.
I grew up in a very Christian conservative home. We went to church every Sunday, lived in the suburbs of a nice middle class neighborhood. I am one of four children and we have very supportive parents and they trusted us until we gave them a reason not to. In December of 2008, I gave them a reason when I told them I was pregnant.
When I was 19 I was taking classes and working a waitressing job in Ohio. I was young and stupid, and unfortunately, while employed there I met a guy who made me believe he was in love with me. A pretty typical story, but it’s amazing what control a man can have over a gullible girl. I ended up giving him the one thing I was saving for my now husband-my virginity.
A year later my world crashed when I found out in November of 2008 I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to do. All I could think about was not telling my family, that seemed to be the only thing that mattered. When I decided to tell my boyfriend, he informed me I needed to have an abortion. That was a hard pill to swallow, I was raised pro-life, my mother taught us to respect life in the womb, and yet now that I was in this situation it seemed okay to compromise my beliefs.
I reached out to girls I worked with, whom all seemed to tell me the same thing. “You have too much going for you”, “It’s too hard”, and “I need to take care of it”. So there I was; alone, scared, and discouraged with the abortion clinics number in my phone. I almost would rather do something that I know would emotionally scar me, than have to tell my family what I had done. I finally reached out to a girl I had grown up in the church with. I explained to her after a handful of tests it still wasn’t real to me, and I wanted someone to confirm my pregnancy. She told me to go to PDHC, and explained to me it’s free and they have more sensitive tests .I was familiar with PDHC, in fact my mother used to work the PDHC booth at our old church, but I didn’t think it was for people like myself. I agreed to go, and she made an appointment the next day in Columbus.
When I walked in to the building I immediately felt welcomed by a woman named Rita. She told me to have a seat while we waited on the pregnancy test. I was so nervous. Even though I already knew the answer, I was holding on to the small ounce of hope that the 20 other tests I took were false. I sat there, as she walked in and said in the happiest voice “congratulations mommy to be!” I immediately got on my knees and started bawling. It was real now. I couldn’t stop crying saying “no, no! What am I going to do?” she put her hand around my shoulder, helped me back up into my chair and said to me “Don’t cry, you’re going to be a mommy.” She then held up a picture from a simple brochure of what the baby would be looking like around that time of pregnancy. That was all I needed to see. It was like God was slapping me in the face. My priorities changed immediately and all the sudden I didn’t matter anymore. Here I was, so worried about ME and what IM going to do, when the fact of the matter is I have a baby growing inside me; A life, a soul. I was so concerned about facing the consequences of my actions; I lost all train of thought on what this really was: My child. Rita and I spent the rest of our time together talking about my situation, my family, my background. She let me know my options and assured me that no matter what I tell my family, they love me. My consultant gave me something I needed desperately: Encouragement and hope to start this pregnancy.
The night I told my parents was the worst night of my life. There was so much disappointment, anger, shock, sadness, disbelief. But in the end we could all only accept it and move on. What happened, happened.and Rita was right, they love me.
Those 9 months were the hardest year of my life. After tons of prayer, list after list of pros and cons, and months of counseling, I decided to place my little boy for adoption. It was a very difficult decision, and there are no words to describe how hard it is to make. Eventually it came down to something so simple: I want my son to have the life that I had. He deserves the world, and that’s exactly what I gave him. In July of 09, I finally found the perfect couple who deserved him. I would be lying if I said it’s not difficult to embrace the thought of choosing other people to be your son’s parents, but I got such an overwhelming sense of peace about Mike and Kara. I began to care for them as family, and even started to feel grateful that I got to be their birth mommy. I started to see that God was finally giving me an answer from months and months of prayer, and I felt confident in my decision.
On August 20th 2009 at 5:39 am, weighing 6lb 9oz and 21 inches long, Joshua Michael Wilson came into the world. He was more perfect than I could have ever imagined. When I first held him in my arms, I heard God say out loud “This is my son.” Finally feeling the love a parent has for their child made surrendering Josh that much easier for me. Unconditional love is a very powerful thing, and it’s amazing what you can do with it.
This is my story. My little boy is 4 years old now and not a day goes by where I ever regret the decision that I made for him, only that it took me awhile to make it. I share my testimony in hopes that maybe I can bring encouragement and empowerment to someone who may be in the same situation someday. That’s why I go to prison facilities and speak to pregnant women who are incarcerated, that’s why I volunteer to be interviewed in the dispatch, That’s why I go to any PDHC banquet I can and that’s why I take the opportunity to come to Washington DC and speak to a congress member. I know that a number of women choose abortion out of impulse because they feel scared and alone like I was. My mission is to end abortion. Not just by laws, but by educating the minds of humans. The only way we can expect change is to change minds.